'Lightwater Valley' theme park review - Nowt2Do.Com: Listings and Reviews for Bristol and Beyond!


	Appropriately located in a region that is famous for its cheese, Lightwater Valley entices guests with the promise of an unbelievable miscellaneous mix of attractions to suit everybody’s taste for thrills and rightly so. Unlike most other UK theme parks Lightwater Valley has not donned a false beard and wig and carelessly attempted to impersonate Alton Towers or Chessington World of Adventures, Lightwater Valley is very much being itself and this is the most outstanding feature of the park. Most of the incredibly fun attractions at Lightwater are built in house and therefore are completely unique from the deep underground lair of the SEWER RAT, to the twisted terrainous track of the ULTIMATE you will never encounter the vast compliment of rides at any other theme park anywhere in the world. The single and most famous ride here is undoubtedly the ULTIMATE, at the very back of the park the two half timber half steel lift hills looming above the forest are very dominant throughout the rest of the valley. Riders board the very long 38 seater trains, that if were any longer would need a buffet car, and secure the lap bars very tightly before leaving the station underneath the sign that reminds you there's only one and half miles to go! Majestically leaving the raised station, you feel like you’re aboard the royal carriage and tempted to wave like the queen at the gathering of spectators that are watching you ascend the 102ft first lift. Passing the signs that remind you if you hold your hands out of the train they will be ripped off by the many trees, you continue to climb the lift until approaching the summit it is rapidly hauled down the other side into a slight dip picking up immense acceleration and airtime you hop over a mound of earth posing and making many rude gestures at the camera that takes your on ride photo as the g force allows you. Then you scurry into the forest and out the other side over some small bunny hops which slow the train before the second lift. Now its time to get your knitting out, because this is going to take some time, climbing the never ending second lift not only gives you chance to get your breath back, it provides an opportunity to nip to the post office or catch forty winks, the boredom regularly interrupted by the many umbrellas, bras! And assorted articles abandoned on the second lift. When you finally reach the top and turn a corner, you are taken slowly once again on a chain towards the very ominous second drop, which you can just make out the track very steeply disappearing into the forest. This is the part where you take a deep breath and hold onto that lap bar firmly are the train hurtles at an awesome incredible speed down the drop into the woodland valley and without stopping sharply makes a series of over banked serpent like fiendish meanders through the dense woodland terrain dangerously close to the ground with an awesome almost illegal amount of intense monstrous constant g force. Briefly giving an opportunity to try and remember which obscenity you should be shouting, the train hurtles into a clearing along a thunderous straight piece of track before devilishly bounding over a gut wrenching bump back into the deep of the woodland through some more frenzied helixes this time though dark eerie tunnels gradually slowly into yet another chain lift, this time only a small one which takes you back inside the station and past the line of the ULTIMATE’S next victims all nervously waiting to board the train. Though the ULTIMATE maybe the most impressive thing at Lightwater, the coaster fans amongst you will also be delighted to know you are invited to try and tame the venomous tight winding coils of the VIPER. Don’t be fooled by the graceful spiral lift climb, as the entanglement of lightning speed curvaceous track that follows is certain to get the adrenaline pumping. Or if you’d prefer get up to some monkey business on the brand new TREETOP TWISTER spinning roller coaster, the slightly noticeable lime green dancing descent of track is complete with slight twist, on the second part of the ride, the monkey shaped cars are released to spin round and round at a rapid rate just like a fairground waltzer car, the result complete disorientation. However the future coaster nuts or just the young at heart can get in some coaster training on the LADYBIRD a children’s roller coaster with a slight bite. Take a journey into the dark sewer dripping pipes take will take you 40ft below the ground to meet the SEWER RAT, who has kindly sent one of his loyal servants, to take you into his pipe work palace. Please ignore the rotting corpses on the floor as you begin the dark roller coaster trip into the unknown, but beware what ever you do in the sewer you can guarantee he will be watching your every move! Not taken up by the idea of meeting rats? Well how about bats then? Climb to the top of the forest fort and get caught up in the clutches of the bloodcurdling BAT FLYER as the suspended roller coaster track swoops through the forest narrowly missing the tree canopies that flash past you before you fly back into the forest fort. An insiders tip, ride the BAT FLYER early in the morning because the cars only seat two people at one time, the queues build up for this coaster a lot and you’ll have to wait longer for this than you would for the ULTIMATE and its definitely one not to be missed. Thrilling and fun action can be found on the BEAVER RAPIDS a double dropping log flume for all the family that will leave you dripping wet. If you’d prefer things slightly more moist then escape the predatory spider by grabbing an inflatable dinghy and plunging headlong down the FALLS OF TERROR, the tallest triple flume water coaster in the world. Take the vertical one, the bumpy and very fast middle one or the dark twisty and definitely the wettest one. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any wetter its time to leap out of the TOAD HOLE. After a stern warning from Mr Toad, the giant boat charges out of the station and plunges down an underground drop before leaping outside and hurtling down a waterfall and making a spectacular splash down in the cascade pool leaving you soaked, although this ride is classed as a children’s ride please note this is only due to the low height restriction, and the TOAD HOLE is by no means a kiddie ride, it is a unique great fun ride for all the family and should not be missed. Still hungry for thrills? Well WAVE your stomach goodbye on the country’s largest pirate vessel, hidden amongst the forest above a waterfall the WAVE is one of the most tranquil settings for one of the best selling classic thrill rides. The all new BLACK WIDOW’S WEB is turning guest’s idea of fear upside down as its evilly spirals up, around and then right over taking your stomach with it. For something less scary soar into space on the ORBITER, as the flying chairs elegantly orbit the giant snot ball, sorry planet Lightwater, for something more common there's the fairground classics such as the bumper car fun of the very old DODGEMS, the even older MEXICAN HAT, the “why doesn’t that fall apart?” TWISTER and the very gentle CAROUSEL. So that must be everything you’re thinking? Not a chance Mr Flamingoland, lightwater valley has loads more to offer, form the free GRAND PRIX GO KARTING, which allow either single racing adults of double seater family cars allowing kids to enjoy the fast paced thrills of formula one. Also theres the adventure and excitement of exploring FORT WILLIAM adventure playground, the leisurely lake cruise on the pedal powered SWAN BOATS, the handy LIGHTWATER EXPRESS will transport you around the park, the fantastic unique SKATE KARTS which can be best described as going down a hill on a mechanics trolley and the hundreds of dedicated children’s attractions including GATOR PARK which provides undercover fun for the poorer weather. Another new addition to the park for 2001 are the very green and very cuddly Valligators, who have there own fantastic show, which I recommend you take time to see, especially if you have smaller children, the extensive supply of signing, dancing, bad gags, diddly deeds and audience participation is overwhelming. As an alternative to the theme park next door is LIGHTWATER VILLAGE factory shopping outlet, which sells high street branded clothes and home furnishings direct to the public at cheap prices, also theres the OLD MacDONALD’S FARM with pets corner and aviaries. The catering outlets at lightwater valley are limited, there are two restaurants in the park offer standard theme park type fast food, such as burgers, chips and pizzas. If you’d prefer not to fill your gob with junk, get a pass out and visit the factory shopping village next door to the park which offers a wider choice of food and nice relaxing cappuccinos. Overall Lightwater Valley is a very welcomed alternative to the hustle and bustle of other UK theme parks, for example even in the summer months where you’d normally spend ages queuing at other theme parks such as Flamingoland and Alton Towers etc. at lightwater valley the crowds remain scare. This is perfect for all the action of the six roller coasters and over 40 other thrilling rides and attractions but with the balanced relaxation of a country park. The overwhelming feature of the park is the unique atmosphere, everything is very laid back, the staff are extremely friendly helpful and will have a laugh and a joke with you, where as the friendliness of the staff at Oakwood, Chessington and Alton Towers is corporately forced the cheeriness of the Lightwater crew is genuine. The rides aren’t that intense you’ll need to be constantly changing your underwear instead they provide thrilling excitement which is FUN, many of the rides are built in house which makes them exclusive to lightwater. This helps to add to that special balanced atmosphere that is Lightwater Valley, although if the park doesn’t start to theme its attractions In the near future I predict that the Valligators will become a rather fetching set of matching shoes, hand bag and suitcase.